Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Vae Victis

I have a "War Story" that I need to tell, it's long and ugly but I need people to hear me. I've alluded to this particular incident in some previous blog posts, but I just recently wrapped up making a recording that goes into more explicit detail. It's almost 20 minutes long but I just wasn't able to edit some stuff out, even for time (I'm still using the same piece of shit laptop that I've had since AIT in Ft Gordon, I want to replace it with a tablet but I haven't found one that really works out for me yet.) 

12-AUG-2013 EDIT: If you can't get the above video to work, try it HERE.

I'm so royally fucking DONE choking on this ordeal, time for SOMEONE ELSE (preferably those responsible) to start losing some sleep and facing themselves for a change. 

This was a defining experience for me, this whole situation changed the way I think about everything: People, the law, religion, sexuality and relationships ... EVERYTHING. Among many years of experiences and situations, especially while I was deployed, THIS was the ultimate moment where I realized that not only were people going to look for any reason they could think of to justify their own bad behavior, but that I was in fact an atheist. 

When "doing what's right" involves getting people hurt, especially in such an extreme capacity, it ceases to be what's right: At that moment, it becomes justified and rationalized evil. And yes, I purposely excluded the part about trying to kill myself by stealing my roommate's medication and trying to OD with it. THAT, for some reason, upsets me more than the incident itself.

I'd be quite grateful indeed if this could acquire massive re-posts, tweets & re-tweets, shares, pins and such: This shit has got to stop.

Thank you, I really do appreciate your help.


  1. Stay strong!
    PS: Don't spray yourself w Lysol. That's fucking insane.

  2. First point - Jesus Freaks. Honestly, I have no problem with Christians in general. Some of my best friends (including an old 25C buddy of mine from Benning) are devoted Christians, and in general, they tend to respect my views as an Agnostic, despite the fact that they do not agree with them. Don't let the actions of one, or even multiples, destroy your perception of all. There are a lot of bad apples out there, yes, but they don't represent the whole population of Christians. Just like Westboro doesn't represent the whole population of Christians.

    Second point - Polyamorous Lifestyle. Honestly, I don't see anything wrong with it. So long as it's consesual, and not harming anyone (I'll get into that momentarily), I don't see any problem with it. The regs, however (which no longer apply), prohibit it. Adultery and blah,blah,blah.

    Third point - Fraternization. I had a First Sergeant in 72nd ESB who was accused of fraternization, and lost nothing more than his position as First Sergeant. Kept his E8 and everything. Everyone liked him. I'll say this, though - ex post facto, NO ONE liked the woman he was accused of fraternizing WITH. Primarily because his replacement in the First Sergeant role was an E7 former Drill Sergeant, and a heinous BITCH. Freitas, Castle, Barnes, Mendez, Jackson... everyone we knew from AIT that landed in the same company will tell you the same story.

    Fourth point - Rape. It's a problem. A big one, and not just in the Army. It's also at least PART of the reason you split from your mostly-Liberal/Democratic political leanings. You like guns. you've made that much obvious over the course of time. And let me tell you, a bullet to any given vital organ is one HELL of a way to stop a would-be rapist. The unfortunate part is that the general concensus among most liberals is that banning guns will stop crime... couldn't POSSIBLY be more off-the-mark.

    Fifth point - The Army's treatment of this issue. Shows blatant hypocrisy in the enforcement of UCMJ. This wasn't sexual HARRASSMENT, this was sexual ASSAULT. These are two COMPLETELY different offenses. One can get you bumped down in rank and flagged non-promotable. The OTHER can get you INSTANT PCS orders to Fort Leavenworth as far as I know.

    1. And on a few of those I'd even agree with you, except for the bit about banning guns outright: I consider myself a liberal but I'll never support any measure to take away that right.

      If this were simply a matter of a slap-on-the-wrist Article 15, for something I already knew was technically against the rules, then I might have simply been able to accept my punishment and moved on with my life like any other reasonable adult. THAT was not the point nor the problem.

      I complained to my leaders for MONTHS about R's behavior, they deliberately did nothing. I am convinced the reason they did this is solely because they felt I 'had it coming' because I'm a normal human being. I will never accept nor agree that on a moral level I've done ANYTHING wrong, not as long as they were willing to turn blind eyes to what they knew R was trying to do.

      And as for R himself, as soon as I told my husband what was happening was around the time he purchased our first fire-arm for self and home defense: If this was some Pseudo-alpha-male jack-off stalking YOUR wife, what would YOU have done? Fortunately, nothing came to blows (or bullets) once everyone was home, but I was still barely able to sleep even with my loaded Mossberg next to my bed (my welcome home gift.)

      As long as there are leaders who think it's okay to "punish" Soldiers who step out of line by harassing or raping them, no Soldier (male or female) is safe.

  3. Thank you for your service and commitment to this country. I think you are an amazing human being, and wish you the best of luck with all your endeavors.

  4. I'm still in, so posting my name would not be good. But Stay Strong!

    I've never thought it was ANY of the Army's business what we do in our personal life--as long as it doesn't effect our job performance. It's not up to the ARMY to decide our morality, sexual orientation or sexual actions. WAR is the business of the Army...not personal Morality or Religious beliefs. If your religious beliefs say it's OK to sleep with someone other than your husband/wife, then I don't see what business it is of the United States Military. The idea that they can still punish people for their sexual behavior outside of the job is sickening to me. It's shoving Christian morality down the throat of our soldiers--which, I believe, is expressly what the Constitution (and Freedom of Religion) sought to Prevent!

    But your story isn't unusual. My best friend was raped in Afghanistan by our PSG after he plied her with alcohol. She never reported because she was terrified SHE'D be punished for drinking. Then, as an instructor, he was caught sleeping with two AIT students (who found out about each other and turned evidence). My friend (after she got out) finally reported him so she could get help for her PTSD from the rape through the VA. Nothing was done to him. Now.... He's an E7. Promoted. Even after everything he'd done.

    I'm counting down the days until I get out. About 620 (over 9 years in when I turn in my last TA50). I can't wait) I feel your pain--and that of THOUSANDS of our Sisters In Arms; I have stories of my own. ALL Army females have stories of our own. Some of us chose to just do our time (like prison) and get out. Others feel the need to share. Whatever works for your peace of mind. Know that You are Not the problem; the system is the problem; the archaic rules are the problem; a bunch of idiots who got their heads shoved in toilets by the school bully in jr. high and now, have some fucking rank on their chest, a little Power, and feel it's time for pay back for all of their suffering....They're the Problem.

    My piece of advice...don't let this experience color the rest of your life. These people are not worth that much mental energy and pain. I'm sorry for what you've been through. I hope you can move past it; I sincerely hope you don't let these low life, uneducated, immoral, self-righteous idiots that permeate the Army I once hoped to love and Now Loathe, effect your future and your family.

    God speed and best of luck to you! Know that I am jealous you were smart enough to get Out before I did!

  5. https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10152108698426134&set=a.10150665262301134.397547.530051133&type=3&theater