Thursday, August 15, 2013

Fuck Talladega

I have a few conservative-minded friends, I actually like friendly conversation with people I don't always agree with. That having been said, I caught a glimpse of a letter-to-the-editor on my Facebook feed this afternoon from one of them. The person who's feed this came from was someone I served with in my unit while I was deployed (but had nothing to do with this...

Granted, it's a bit more creative than most neo-con drivel I come across, but it's still ignorant and inaccurate as fuck.

I'm going to read out this whole letter and take it apart bit-by-awful-bit as best I can, starting hardest face-palm first:

"I voted Democratic because I love the fact that I can now marry whatever I want. I now want to marry my Labrador."

This guy couldn't even come up with an original argument against marriage equality, then again no neo-con worth piss really did. No, you can't marry anything you want: PEOPLE have rights, THINGS are not PEOPLE and therefore do not have rights. SOME RIGHTS are extended to household animals like cats and dogs, but marriage is not one of them. If equal respect and liberty in the eyes of the law (for adult humans) is still a hard concept for you to grasp, I have a fun little comic book for you to read.

"I voted Democratic because I believe oil companies' profits of 4% on a gallon of gas are obscene but the Government taxing the same gallon of gas at 15% isn't."

15% taxation on ONE GALLON OF GAS is an awful lot of fucking money! I'm bothered to bloody vomit by unnecessarily high taxes (trust me, I live in Maine) but THAT FIGURE doesn't sound quite right. I can't speak for other parts of the US, but here in Maine (as of today) prices are actually dropping pretty steadily. Considering that Maine is currently so poverty stricken that it's eating itself to survive, that's pretty good even though perhaps it really COULD BE worse in other places. But if the gas tax was truly THAT HIGH throughout the whole country, I'd wager we'd be planning a manned Mars mission with that kind of money. Any gasoline experts out there please feel free to enlighten me in case I'm wrong.

"I voted Democratic because I believe the Government will do a better job of spending the money I earn than I would."

Taxes are a necessary evil, I'm afraid. Perhaps if more Americans would take the time to learn how to file those 1040s CORRECTLY (H&R Block is a huge waste of money, BTW) you just might surprise yourself: Tax rules and regulations change from year to year, and State to State of course, but with some simple research you'll quickly discover all kinds of ways to save on your taxes. I'm a firm believer in not paying a cent more than I absolutely have to, I don't even save receipts for a damn thing. Take a day to chat with a CPA or a lawyer (if they'll grant you a consultation for free, many of them will if it's just to answer a few questions) 

If it MUST BE DONE, you may as well learn how to DO IT RIGHT.

"I voted Democratic because Freedom of Speech is fine as long as I agree with what is said & nobody else is offended by it."

Anyone who knows me AT ALL knows I don't rightly give a flying-lizard-clit if something I say so happens to offend anyone, most of the time I just blurt shit out without thinking about it. I am not, nor shall I ever intentionally be, an advocate for censorship: I despise it in all of it's many forms, there is no logical reason why there should NOT BE cursing on Radio or TV. If you don't want your kids to watch it, tell them to go read a fucking book.

If you want to spew out religiously inspired hate speech, I won't stop you: THAT IS your given right as an American. But like Hell I'm going to let you enact any of your bigoted or misogynistic opinions into laws that affect real human beings.
"I voted Democratic because I'm way too irresponsible to own a gun and I know that my local police are all I need to protect me from murderers and thieves."
Fuck no, I hate cops. Okay, I don't HATE cops but I have no reason to trust them at all! With the exception of a family-friend of ours, my experiences talking to police have rarely ever ended well: I've even been pulled over by a cop with an obvious boner, you bet your ass I got out of THAT ticket!

And as for guns, I'm glad to be a tofu-eating "fag-enabling" American Liberal and I personally own more fire-power than my small-town police-force probably does. While about 70% of Republicans own guns, just over 30% of Democrats do, and those are just the two major parties in the United States. And yes, I have used one of my guns for reasons other than weekend target-practice: Just ask the mother-fucker who tried to get into my apartment back in January.
"I voted Democratic because I believe that people who can't tell us if it will rain on Friday can tell us that the polar ice caps will melt away in 10 years if I don't start driving a Prius."

The local weather-man IS NOT a scientist, Professor. How many more educated, experienced and otherwise knowledgeable people is it going to take before you get it through your thick skull that human beings are in fact fucking up how this planet is supposed to work

"I voted Democratic because I'm not concerned about millions of babies being aborted so long as we keep all death row inmate alive."

And you're SO CONCERNED that you'll volunteer to take in and raise all of those unwanted, unplanned, non-consented-to, unhealthy and in some cases even terminally ill babies by your damn self? Until you are, male or female, you're a damn hypocrite. Besides, wasn't the Death Penalty YOUR idea? Even though the United States has recently concluded that they have no idea how many innocent people have already been executed?

I hate resorting to Ad Hominem, but this is for you: Fuck your face, you slimy inbred hick.

"I voted Democratic because I think illegal aliens have a right to free healthcare, education and Social Security benefits, and we should take away the Social Security from those who paid into it."

I would gladly support ANY MEASURE that guarantees people the above mentioned benefits, citizens and immigrants alike: You say you oppose them now but if YOU need them your ass will go crawling through that clinic door like a hungry orphan, just like my fellow Mainers who protested the local Wal-Mart when they first moved here (half of them shop and even work there now.) If I were in half as bad shape as some of these folks crossing our borders, I'd be damn grateful for SOME kind of help.

And as for Social Security, you do realize that it pays jack-and-or-shit considering that seniors are living over twice as long as they did back in the day when it was first implemented: Still, I'd NEVER want to take it away from anyone who has earned it, you have me confused for whatever redneck idiot YOU voted for.

"I voted Democratic because I believe that businesses should not be allowed to make profits for themselves. They need to break even and give the rest away to the government for redistribution as the Democrats see fit."

And here we see the author clearly knows nothing about how most American businesses actually operate. After getting out of the Marines, my Dad tried several start-from-nothing businesses on his own. He finally has one that has managed to survive for almost 17 years, yet still paying down debts from previous failures. That's life and that's business for you. Even if you ARE making money you're still taking huge risks as to whether or not you get to keep any of it in the long term, be it because of taxes or changes in any given market. Knowing this, it doesn't make any rational sense to blame lack of profit on any one thing.

Dad is also a dyed-in-the-wool Republican business owner who still pays all necessary and legal taxes. He also HONESTLY WANTS to be able to provide health-care to all of his employees, but in Maine it's damn near impossible right now.

"I voted Democratic because I believe Liberal judges need to rewrite the Constitution every few days to suit some fringe kooks who would never get their agendas past the voters"

Like the Constitutional amendment that would have permanently disallowed marriage equality for all Americans? Or how about initiatives taken to re-introduce religious doctrine into public tax-paid schools and hospitals? That was all them dirty hippies' fault, eh? No, I don't think so. I think that one line in of itself shows the depth of the author's delusion best of all.
"I voted Democratic because I think that it's better to pay billions for their oil to people who hate us but not drill our own because it might upset some endangered beetle, spotted owl, gopher or fish."
Speaking of the world of business: Oil and resources, like any other market, faces some changes in the near future that they will either adapt to and survive or stay at their current rate of destruction and perish. I'm not thrilled about paying for it either, but it was REPUBLICANS who approved the Iraq War in the first place, a war I served and barely survived myself. Dick Cheney said he'd do it all over again if he could, which is fine by me as long as I get to drag that fat, saggy fuck-stain along with me so he can see first-hand the lives he's responsible for destroying and ending.
If you want THAT kind of change, vote with your wallet as well as your ballot.
"I voted Democratic because my head is so firmly misplaced toward the south end of my body; it's unlikely that I'll ever have another point of view."

Really? All this passion in your rambling and THAT is the best you could come up with? You don't even have the cojones to tell me, in your own words, that you think I have my head so far up my own ass that I can read a newspaper from between my teeth? And furthermore, that's not even a reason: You added that whole extra bit just to be a jerk. Well, with THAT bullet-point you are correct, sir. You are, in fact, a fucking jerk. You're such a jerk you didn't bother expending the extra effort to come up with an original insult.

Don't get me wrong, if I COULD position my own head in such a way that I would be able to lick my own pussy then I'm pretty sure that's all I'd do for a good long time. But come on, dude! For all that despair and anger you finish off with such disappointment. 

Well done, James W Anderson of some place known only as Talladega. Ricky-Bobby would be so proud.

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