Sunday, April 14, 2013

Want vs Need: Sex

I'm hosting a small dinner party at my place tonight, I'm not expecting anyone to actually show up. The guests are both co-workers of mine, I told them they could bring their significant others' with them. I'm making a huge helping of Vegetable Curry for the main meal, I've even got one of those yuppie cutting-boards with expensive fruit and cheese on it. I picked up a 6-pack of Newcastle Brown Ale, some apple juice and I'm rearin' to go.

I have a sneaking suspicion that one of these co-workers is interested in me sexually, which I'm perfectly okay with (I just hope my husband is, too)

What? Married couples can't have sex with other people from time to time? Even with the other-half being fully aware and approving of the others choice? Psh! Fuck that! it sounds boring as shit anyway! Telling me that I can only have intimate experiences with one person for the rest of my life is akin to trying to yank a burqa over my head, I consider societal-enforced sexual ownership exactly as such.

Nope, sorry but you're on your own (well, aside from whatever human-symbiote you spend your time and attention on.) If you want to chain yourself to only one human being ever because you're too afraid of what people might say about you then that's your problem. I'm not a monogamous person and my husband is okay with this, we have something we call an "Arrangement" which consists of potential partner criteria and strict ground rules.

Swinging and Polyamory are not the same as Cheating: The only moral difference between Swinging and Cheating is Lying.

Our marriage isn't perfect, we have tiffs and spats about dumb stuff all the time just like so-called "normal" couples do. But one distinct difference in our disagreements is there's no suspicion or accusation of infidelity: We both know and have met the other's partner or interest. Make no mistake though, there is absolutely NO leaving the house late at night and meeting someone in secret at a hotel-room, nor are there any "I have to work late" days where the only 'work' being done requires a towel afterward. No secrets and no lies, there's no room for those in ANY marriage no matter how you roll.

Monogamy is not the established social norm for human relationships and there is no shortage of historical and anthropological evidence to support this. At this time I'd also like to point out that in the Bible there are many examples of prophets and leaders with multiple wives and concubines, even fucking their female slaves and relatives. I'm thoroughly aware of the fact that the Bible isn't very good evidence for anything at all, I'm just pointing out that it's in there.

Most other wives I've known would flip-shit if they caught their hubby staring at another woman, and many husbands would be endlessly anxious over the thought of their wife in close proximity to another more desirable male specimen. I don't understand this reaction: It's well established that human beings find other human beings attractive, what's the harm in just looking? Same goes for masturbating to porn, absolutely no-one is being unfaithful because you're not fucking your monitor.

At least, I hope you aren't. Did you even stop to think about the monitor's feelings, you dick?

Look, people have needs. Among those is the need for human contact of a physical level from time to time, just because you enjoy your partner's company doesn't mean that you own it. A wedding ring isn't necessarily a 'Ball n' Chain' as they used to say, it's just a symbol of an intimate agreement. If the thought of your partner screwing someone else fills you with rage I get it, but that's obviously YOUR issue and clearly not MINE. I will not be told that I "can't handle a real marriage" because I'm honest with myself and with the one human being who matters most to me in the whole world.

And anyone who says that open relationships are just an excuse to cheat is obviously missing the point: The way I see it, if you can't handle the thought of people doing things very differently from you then maybe you aren't ready to take on a relationship PERIOD (see also the above stated obvious difference between Non-Monogamy and Infidelity, it's pretty cut and dry.) Grown adults with have feelings and desires that may or may not be in line with what others around them like for themselves, as long as no one is being harmed or abused there is absolutely nothing you can do about it. There is no ONE "Special Someone" in the span of your lifetime, no one only loves once and then puts away the condoms for good. Eventually you meet someone else and pull out the Trojans again, the cycle repeats over many years.

You cannot own a PERSON, regardless of their relationship to you, therefore you cannot expect to own their FEELINGS in any capacity.

Polyamory, Swinging and other variants of Non-Monogamous relationships clearly aren't for everyone and that's okay. Were it not for legal and tax issues as they currently stand I could probably formulate an argument in favor of Polygamy, regardless of religion or lack thereof. No law-abiding grown adult is in any position to tell another law-abiding grown adult who they can love or how many of them at any given time.

In the time it took me to write up this article (with many pauses in between over the course of the night) my guests have since arrived, enjoyed their meals, watched Blazing Saddles and gone safely home. No one had sex with anyone, I wasn't expecting it to happen anyway, and I'm fine with it. I'm just glad that they enjoyed my special recipe for Vegetable Curry as well as the playful antics of my two cats.

I still think there's a possibility that one of them has a thing for me, but maybe now's just not the right time. 


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