Volunteer Moderating is FUN!

I've been a devout fan of a particular dating site known as OK Cupid for a good long while now. Someone I met in Iraq (yes, that same someone) introduced me to it not long after we first met. It's not like Facebook or Match.com, it's actually daily comprehensive, the results you get are almost a direct result of the "effort" you put into your profile. Pictures, paragraphs, interests and thousands upon thousands of humbling, hilarious & downright bizarre questions you can answer to better make your best "match" on the site.

And if you've been a good boy/girl for long enough, you MIGHT BE selected to be an anonymous "moderator" for  site content. 

Sound strange? I guess, rather than pay flesh & blood humans to scour the site looking for pictures of penises or Ryan Gosling, they leave flagged pictures and profiles to be whooshed into a cue for moderators to comment & vote on. OK Cupid's site has rules about what kind of photos can be posted and what can't, and every so often some people don't pay attention. On occasion, neither do the "anonymous" moderators. 

Sometimes, the results are fucking hilarious: 

I'd date Optimus Prime, but I wouldn't want to have sex with him.

Turns out it was a fake profile, but still... Is this Magicarp's hipster daughter?

Now don't get me wrong, I'm all in favor of legalizing & regulating consensual sex-work, but wouldn't RedTube be a better place to go for something like this? Besides, how do I know this isn't false advertising? Are you SURE you're not a cop? Because if you say you're NOT, then I don't have to do anything you say.

And THIS is why that whole "Friend-Zone" thing is bullshit: You are not entitled to another person's affections if they don't consent to your desires. Move on, get over her. Maybe the "non" sex worker has an available appointment slot, IDK.

I swear this isn't a joke, someone ACTUALLY used this for their profile picture. WAIT, it gets better...

Sometimes people will photoshop their faces onto the bodies of other people/animals/machine, which is technically not allowed. Photos taken with filters with SOME modifications are one thing, but something about this photo set off my gaydar in a bit of a Silence Of the Lambs kind of way.

You caught it alright, caught the BAN-HAMMER!

Every so often, someone finds a profile that exists JUST to advertise really weird things to people, which is also not allowed. 

Then there are moderators who don't pay attention to what they've flagged. In this case, the picture marked Not The User actually DOES feature the user in a very... INTERESTING situation.

Fucking hipsters...

OH WAIT, now it's getting interesting!

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If you're squeamish you might not want to keep scrolling (NSFW)

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This guy is actually a repeat offender. Really, WHY?

I just don't get why guys post dick-pics on otherwise public dating sites. What are they thinking? Do they really honestly think "I'mma show my dick to strangers on the Internet, because THAT'LL get bitches to talk to me! LMAO TURN UP!!" If THAT is your honest strategy, or if you just have THAT MUCH free time on your hands, you fail at life & trying to attract the affections of someone just as shallow and insecure as YOU OBVIOUSLY ARE should be the least of your immediate concerns.