Oh Boy, Mud

I'm an unabashed jerk and I don't make excuses for it, I simply AM. I'm sorry if this bothers you or comes out wrong sometimes, but this has been an ongoing issue that despite my own best efforts I simply cannot change. Then again why do I want to modify any part of myself to make others happy at my own detriment? I'll be 32 years old very soon, I may act like I'm 16 at times but dammit I'm not going to start diminishing myself just because people think I'm heartless, big-headed or even (dramatic gasp) weird.

I have often considered the possibility that I may have Aspergers Syndrome... NEAT!

Recently I may have posted a tweet that offended some people close to me about Roger Ebert's cancer diagnosis the day before his death:

Arguably, that was probably a pretty heartless thing of me to say, as one person pointed out as quite hypocritical. Okay, I can see his point, but riddle me this: How many public figures apologized to Amy Winehouse's friends and family for all the coke-whore jokes? Name one news-anchor or comedian who DIDN'T have a laugh at Steve Irwin's (tragic but predictable) death even when his family were in tears over it, I bet my left fucking tit YOU CAN'T come up with one meager little name.

People suck, and I'm a person. Not a particularly nice one, either. I say things without thinking them through, it's just me: There is nothing I can do to fix this and don't think for a second that I haven't jammed my own foot in my mouth on many occasions in the past, I guess I've just gotten used to it.

I do this so often that I've even gone to brain-doctors and tried medication for it: Nope, turns out I'm just a straight-up bastard.

What is an apology, really? It's a hollow gesture, these days it is, to appease someone to avoid more arguments. This day and age people rarely mean what they say, how can I trust "I'm Sorry" out of anyone's mouth? I have a simple philosophy when it comes to apologizing for anything: 1 When you're wrong, do it right. 2 If you're right, don't do it at all. And 3 Only do it ONCE (for any given offense.)

1 If you fucked up, fix it an apologize in the most sincere way you can muster. Never apologize to someone on-the-fly, it comes off as fake.

2 Think about the situation before you say or do anything, what if someone is upset over something that's out of your control? At that point, how is that your problem? "I'm sorry" "For what?" "It's raining" No, it's no fun because of the rain but it's in no way your fucking fault. And maybe the other person upset with you really is just an uptight asshole, in which case...

3 Never, not under any circumstances, should you EVER apologize for the same thing on multiple, public OR private, occasions (unless you've broken the law and got arrested, in which case see how far apologizing gets you) If you find yourself in a position where someone keeps dancing proverbial circles around you or your 'offense' because they're just so butt-hurt about it, obviously nothing you say will ever appease or satisfy them. If you can afford to, I recommend cutting them out of your life altogether: Who wants to be around someone like that?

When you get right down to it, people can be downright mean. Welcome to Earth, motherfucker.

But on that note, I am going to apologize to Mr Ebert's family and friends for the hash-tagged post:  I didn't know HE had already apologized to Ryan Dunn's family and friends, forgive me please.

But as for the easily-offended and their High-Horses, I ask you to consider this: What happens when you fall off that prancing sack of glue someday? You fall into the dark, thick stinky mud surrounding all the piles of shit you were just trotting circles around.


When that happens, and mark my words it will, I'll be waiting in that same mud to bury you in it.


None of you are any better than I am.