If you think I'm going to go off on some tangent about feminism and ball-bashing, you're wrong. Instead, I'm going to talk about what seems to be a massive failure of basic human decency. The ideals of what feminism started as, what they've transformed into over the decades, and what many people perceive them to currently be are miles apart from each other. On the whole, I think this is a good thing because any "ism" that can't stand up to scrutiny & adapt to an ever-changing world doesn't deserve the allegiances of otherwise intelligent people.
I just wrapped up my first ever Gender Studies course in college, this is a big deal for me: If you're not familiar with my story or my previous writings, you're probably thinking that I might be some blissfully ignorant college freshman or sophomore figuring things out for the first time in her life. If so, take a moment to scroll up to the top of this page, read my blog-banner (especially the bit about me being an Operation Iraqi Freedom Veteran) and then come right back to this paragraph... yeah, I'm also 33 years old.
I'm actually amazed at myself for having taken this fucking long to get a basic understanding of what the word "feminism" actually means.
On that note, I want to talk about people like Elliot Rodger and the air of sexism choking up the internet lately. I'm not just talking about more mass-shooting hysteria, I have addressed gun violence in previous posts (and I might consider making another one soon, depending...) I'm talking about this wave of so called "Men's Rights Activists" or M.R.As all over Tumblr and YouTube. These are nothing new, backlash from people in positions of entitlement and privilege (in this particular case, mostly white heterosexual males) who don't seem to have a solid grasp on what the word "privilege" but know just enough that it's a threat to their world-view and way of life. I've watched many of my fellow atheists, mostly women, get bombarded with brazenly misogynistic and hateful tweets, messages and manifesto-style videos in which they are called derogatory names and sometimes threatened with "revenge porn" or even physical violence.
One well known atheist blogger has been under fire recently with her alleged PTSD "diagnosis" from the wave of vile tweets and comments from M.R.As: While I have no reason to doubt the disturbing element of the backlash she received for voicing criticism, I should point out that I am only skeptical of the diagnosis because while PTSD has been known to come about by a variety of situations (rape survivors, combat veterans or even being bitten by an angry dog, etc...) this is the first time in my entire life I've ever heard of this particular type of manifestation of the disorder. The jaded Iraq Veteran in me wants to rip this diagnosis to shreds, but I also realize that I am not in this woman's shoes and I know almost nothing about her life or how this affects her. So while I'm in no position to be judgmental, I CAN and WILL maintain my skepticism until I see satisfactory evidence one way or the other.
I have the same beef with M.R.As that I do with groups like PeTA or FEMEN: When will it sink into your dense fucking heads that it does your cause NO FAVORS WHATSOEVER to resort to harassing and threatening, or even actually assaulting, people who disagree with you?
I'm a vegan and I don't care if my date wants to eat a burger when we're having dinner: she/he is an adult, they can decide for themselves and I have no right to impede. As long and no one is trying to hold that bacon-triple-cheeseburger up to my mouth against my will, I'm not going to oblige in kind with a block of raw tofu. I think the same concept applies in other aspects of human existence, feminism and "mens' rights" included. Elliot Rodger had no right to force his will upon others, by way of violence or otherwise, and he just couldn't grasp the concept that other people are self-aware and autonomous beings that didn't have to oblige or even acknowledge his desires at all if they didn't fucking want to.
I can desire sex from someone all I want, until I'm blue in the face: They still have every right to turn me down, if they so choose. And I have been, I've been full out shot down out of the sky, from men and women BOTH. It's humiliating and uncomfortable, but it's life. The best you can hope for is that the person says "yes" after having ONLY BEEN ASKED ONE TIME AND ONE TIME ONLY (if you have to ask more than once, you already have your answer. Take that and walk away, that shit will not fly with ME) and regardless of how politely or not they say "no" they still said NO. You know what? Okay, walk away and move on to someone else.
Nobody OWES you a goddamn thing just for existing, you are not a "nice guy" if you feel like you have to harass, coerce or threaten people into giving you what you want; at that point, you're just pathetic. Consider this possibility, if you don't believe me: You're trying to convince someone to buy your car for a particular price, they resist. If your first thought is "Why don't you want my car? It's a great car, I worked very hard on keeping it up properly and making it look nice so that someone would buy it. This is a great car at a reasonable price, what the fuck is your problem?" Then YOU ARE the problem. You've just scared off a prospective buyer with your own poor behavior, regardless of the actual quality of the vehicle because you're a terrible salesman.
If you want to break it down at it's most basic level, making a pass at someone hoping they'll hook up with you is kinda like a sales' pitch: Even if your "product" is awesome, no one likes a pushy salesman or telemarketer. Refine your pitch, respect your "customers" or go home & stay there.
This is especially true in the cyber-sphere, where people who voice concerns about how they see women being treated in this way are often lambasted by semi-adolescent males who think their "rights" are being infringed upon because someone had the audacity to tell them NO. Too fucking bad, because plenty of people have told me NO when I've made advances, and while it was often uncomfortable for me, I still moved on with my life and found other things to do. The measure of your "manhood" is not your ability to put your cock in something, and if THAT'S your only qualification then you must have some pretty shitty standards for yourself and for life in general. Is harassing and threatening people who've spurned you, or even resorting to violence because of your own hurt feelings, an image of "manhood" that any sane and decent human being honestly wants to emulate?
Since when is NOT being a jerk to people a sign of weakness? Who actually thinks that respecting the wishes of your fellow human beings, male or female, is equivocal in any way to being oppressed or emotionally castrated? So what if you've been "friend-zoned" by some girl you wanted to fuck, OBVIOUSLY she didn't want to fuck YOU and told you in no uncertain terms. Maybe if you'd start acting like a grown-up and voicing your feelings and desires as such in a clear and concise manner, instead of holding them back and expecting others' to pretty much read your fucking mind, you might find a willing fuck-buddy at the absolute least. Absolute worst case scenario, you don't get to put your dick in something for another day. I promise you, it won't fall off or disintegrate because someone else doesn't want it inside them: They don't HAVE TO.
To the best of my knowledge, even the character of James Bond knows what the word "NO" means. James Bond doesn't NEED to threaten or coerce women who turn him down or disagree with him, he's the very embodiment of the phrase "Don't raise your voice, improve your argument."
And even James Bond has his problems, smooth mother-fucker that he may be, he has serious issues: The very government he devoted himself to betrayed him on numerous occasions, he's watched a great many of his friends and fellow agents die in horrible ways, on any given day he could wake up not knowing what part of the planet he's in and usually winds up being forced to kill every last mother-fucker in the building wether he actually wants to or not, because it's what his mission dictates. But do you know what James Bond ISN'T? A rapist.
And for the sake of this argument, I'm referencing every James Bond film, comic and book that I personally have ever seen and read. If other official Ian Fleming materials exist stating something on the contrary, at present I am unaware of it.
"Blue-Balls" is not the worst possible thing that can possibly happen to a person, rape and murder are pretty much a well-even tie for THAT slot. Life is too short to burn up so much energy on not getting things your way, there are far more important things to concern one's self with than being "friend-zoned" or turned down for whatever reason. If your only reason for acknowledging a fellow human being with a certain measure of interest is what desires or demands they can satisfy for you, as a prospective date or even subordinate employee, then I have every right to question and call out your abhorrent behavior in a public setting. At that point, you're not advocating for "men's rights," you're just being an arrogant shit.
Go ahead, call me names and threaten me: All you're doing is proving me right.
I DO prosecute threats, slander and libel.
I've done it before.
Other than NOT getting stuck paying child support for kids that aren't really ours, why would there need to be a Men's Rights movement? I am befuddled by that idea. In every civilization that I have ever known to exist (except, assuming they were real, the Amazons) Men were usually quite dominant. That is not necessarily good or bad, just what happened.
ReplyDeleteAs for the question 'Since when is NOT being a jerk to people a sign of weakness?'... Well, we were both in the Army long enough to answer that question. Those types mistake kindness for weakness all the time and they never learn from their mistakes.