Monday, October 21, 2013

Bullet Burgers

Even as I'm sitting in my bedroom typing this on my lap-top, I have my Smith & Wesson 442 loaded and holstered outside the belt of my maroon corduroy pants. I'm only up one cup of coffee so far and I'm already anticipating a potential "situation" that I'm employed for the specific purpose of diffusing: Unwelcome guests. I'm not a cop, I'm no longer a Soldier, you could say I'm something like a security guard that lives where I work.

I'm care-taking a 700+ acre cattle-ranch that has been in my employer's family since 1860, there are a few bad apples in the bunch that want to go "Scavenger Hunt" inside the very house I'm being paid to live in and protect.

Realistically, I'll likely never have to use my chosen side-arm for that specific purpose: More of an annoyance than a real threat, but better to have it close to me and ready to use in case of a REAL THREAT which is still quite legitimate. Though people living in very rural parts of the US aren't as likely to be robbed at home as those in the sub-urbs, when IT DOES HAPPEN it takes the cops & paramedics a ridiculous amount of time to respond, and by the time they DO arrive it's too late. I quite literally do not have time to wait for the cops to show up if someone actually does try to break in here, the nearest "town" to speak of is 45 minutes away (and that's WITHOUT traffic.)

But aside from potential human threats, which are not as likely but still just as real for anyone else in the United States, every night I fall asleep to the howls of what must be at least a hundred coyotes reverberating through and across the outer Ozark Mountains where I am currently situated. While they're more likely to get into my garbage-bin than inside my house, they're still dangerous and I don't want them near me or the property I'm working on. There's also a family of rabbits bouncing around where I intend to plant my vegetable garden come Spring, so THEY have to be dealt with by then because not only do I not want rabbits feasting on my soon-to-be red peppers, I don't want to have to clean up after coyotes feasting on red pepper stuffed rabbit.

At least 3 or 4 times a week, I drive my truck around the perimeter of the property where cattle are grazing to check the fences: I take my AR-15 with me every time.

Why? Aside from the fore-mentioned coyote threat, who seem to love little more than waiting for a mother cow to give birth and tear the throat right out of the newborn calf as soon as it pokes it's head out, on rare occasions past my employer has also had encounters with human trespassers during hunting season. Unlike my home State of Maine, where you have to have "No Trespassing" signs posted at a specific distance around the perimeter of your property if you own more than a certain amount of acreage, here in Arkansas you aren't legally required to put up any signs at all (but it's still recommended) so most people out here don't bother with actual signage as long as they have a stable fence up.

I have yet to encounter another human being out on the land other than my own husband and most of the fences have been repaired within the last year, so while I doubt that I'll ever encounter the world's dumbest tourists out on the range, there's almost no street access for a squad car or ambulance to come if things ever do get out of hand.

Though I've been a vegetarian for many years, without me & my AR-15 protecting the cows from predators and thieves, your BK Whopper would go for about $30 due to covering cost of raw materials (in this case, beef)

An armed vegetarian ranch-hand? On 700+ acres of open field with plenty of grass and even a creek running through the property, I'd much rather see cows that are in good health and living in conditions such as these than in a crammed feed-lot where they can barely walk around even if they weren't knee-deep in their own shit. Given that the average American consumes up to 4 times more beef products than the rest of the developed world, I find it astonishing that people are completely fine with sacrificing quality for quantity and getting upset with people like me who just don't want to participate.

So what does all of this have to do with owning guns? Not only would I be out of a job (and without a place to live) but my employer could be out of trade-able assets within the scope of a year, enjoy your $30 Whoppers. Honestly, I know that no reasonable American wants to grab up every gun in the country, but there are a few groups of people that actually think they guns are solely used for committing crimes, ESPECIALLY the "dreaded death-machine" that is apparently the AR-15.

If you're pro-gun control and you eat meat, ANY MEAT AT ALL, you have two choices: Re-consider your positions on who can have or use the types of firearms that I do as part of my job, or go vegan. Guess which is easier?

While few and far between, the people that DO WANT TO grab up all of the guns have no fucking idea how far reaching the consequences of doing so could be. Even fruit and vegetable farmers out here keep a variety of fire-arms to keep local wild-life from eating up their crop, so while meat is such a common commodity here in the United States, it's not the only one that needs the kind of protection that people like me can offer.

I use an AR-15 for my job because criminals and coyotes are too smart for traps and snares, and too dangerous NOT to be dealt with.

By the way, I've been a card-carrying Democrat since the first day I've been eligible to vote.

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