Sunday, May 12, 2013

Want vs Need: Kids

I've known since I was 16 that I didn't want kids, ever. Don't get me wrong, I love children, I just don't want to ever be a mom. Sad, you say? If that's how you feel about it then fine, but would you have that same sentiment toward me if I were a man? Screw making a point, what if I just have other things I want to do with my life that children will just get in the way of?

My wants and needs are more than just what my reproductive organs chemically dictate.

I have three nephews and two nieces that I absolutely adore, I knitted them all scarves for Christmas and this year I want to make them hats. I don't want kids of my own, my family is thoroughly aware of this and they say they're fine with it. NATURALLY, should I find out otherwise, I still won't give a shit. There are more than seven billion people in the world and not enough food for all of them, as far as I'm concerned I don't think that's fair to the children that do go hungry every day.

John and I have been married for four years, we have on-and-off had some discussions about kids but we just can't come up with a solid plan. We even consulted a doctor about what our odds were at our age, he insisted we were worrying about this too much and to "just go for it, don't over-think it."

Maybe I AM over-thinking this, but bringing another human being into existence is a permanent game-changer: I think it bears some very serious consideration and planning indeed.

I have a good friend who has been trying for years to have a baby with her husband, who recently returned home from a Deployment. She's had surgeries, taken medications and even even hormone-based birth control to balance out her system (as is her right, to Hell with what others think) and still no luck. I feel terrible about it, if anyone I know would make a kick-ass mom it's definitely her. But I guess my "biological clock" just never ticked that loudly.

On that note, who came up with that "clock" nonsense? It sounds so 1980's sit-com, doesn't it? As if my worth as a human being is determined only by my desire and ability to procreate! Bitch, please. What century do you think this is? I think the myth of the "biological clock" was just something our grandmothers made up to nag our mothers into having US. 

"Settling down" and starting a family is all well and good, if that's what you want, but that IS NOT a legitimate life goal in of itself.

Women are running developed nations, going into space, and just recently exploring a more broad spectrum of opportunity in the American Armed Forces (You serve with women: Get used to it or get the fuck out.) Motherhood IS NOT everything people make it out to be, or so my friends who are parents tell me. Sure, there are hugs and cuddles and birthday parties, which are awesome. There's also bodily fluids, overflowing diaper-bins, screaming fits and such as well.

If you have kids and you love them, I'm happy for you. Obviously you're confident in the decision you made or else you wouldn't have had them. But no one NEEDS to have kids, not in this day-and-age. We no longer live in the times of family farm-steads and heirs and/or heiresses (for the most part) procreation isn't a miracle it's a common natural occurence.

My first year in the Army another Soldier once told me that the only reason she wanted kids was so someone would take care of her when she got old. I thought that was incredibly selfish, to create a human life with the sole purpose of changing your Depends. That's not a family, that's an inherited slave! She didn't take too kindly to my explanation, in her defense I probably should have thought a bit more carefully about dropping the term 'slavery' in an already heated conversation with a black woman.

Besides, without kids around I can have as much loud-and-rowdy guilt-free sex as my body can handle.

AND get a night's sleep afterward.  

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