Justice vs Retribution

It would seem that one of my posts is quite popular in comparison to others made in the past, thank you all for that. I'd like to take a brief moment to thank Twitter users Alan Lewis of Florida and the host of The Herd Mentality Podcast, Adam Reakes of Sydney Australia, and also I'd like to thank this guy for not just simple re-tweets and mentions but for really lighting the motivational fires under their own asses and helping to put my cause out there. 

If you have no idea what the fuck I'm talking about, you need to see THIS.

Thanks again to the previously mentioned folks on Twitter, but thank all of you reading my blog just for hearing me out. I realize the issue of rape in the US military is a dark and muddy subject, with quite literally too many victims to count, and my story is just one among those but there IS something that distinguishes my situation from the woeful tales of the many that made it back alive: THAT should be crystal clear if you've read my post and watched the clip of me telling my story.

I want to thank YOU, reader, for your support and understanding. If you're reading this now then just THAT means a world of difference to me, that means I have a chance to get my message to the American public: Not only is harassing or raping your fellow Soldiers disgusting, not only does that manner of behavior have no place in the modern American military OR ANYWHERE, but to purposely allow such conditions to exist (especially as "punishment" for Soldiers who screw up) will have severe and life-long consequences reaching far beyond the Uniform.

And if any of you I served with down-range are just now reading this, if this isn't making you angry or afraid then you're in for a very unpleasant surprise indeed.

The United States Army got their pound of flesh from me and then some, now I'm going to serve up my former squad-mates and leaders and hold them accountable in any way I reasonably and legally can. 

As for anyone else who knows my story, all I ask of you is to share it: Tweet it, Post it and/or send it to your friends. ESPECIALLY if they're in the military themselves, it's high time the Department of Defense acknowledges just how ingrained the issue really is: Soldiers are harassing and trying to rape one another as a means of punishment for UCMJ violations and that shit has to stop NOW.

Thank you for reading and sharing, and if you're not subscribed to The Herd Mentality you are seriously missing out!

New Non-Skeletons (NSFW)

Yet another haul from the nethers of the household basement, let's have another viewing of crappy old artwork, yes? I just keep finding more and more strange stuff, if you've been observing my last few blog posts you already know what this is all about. If you have no idea what's going on, please click here: This is looking like it's going to be an ongoing project, but basically I'm salvaging old artwork I did many years ago and some of it comes from some very "interesting" periods of my life. 

So let's get on with the freak-show, yes? 

While it doesn't look terribly special, I'm actually rather glad this thing survived.

In my last post I found 4 samples of a series of which most didn't survive due to mold and moisture, now that number is up to 5 thanks to this little bastard: It may not look remarkable on my screen, but I think the strongest thing this painting has going for it is the subtle contrasts. Red melting into gray, fields of black with thin white highlighting, it may look half-assed to an untrained eye but for something that took less than an hour I'm kind of impressed with it. 

Moving right along...

When I was a teen, the one thing I read more fervently than the Bible was CIRCUS Magazine.

I have no idea if CIRCUS is even still in circulation, I do hope it is (if for nothing other than late 90's nostalgia) but I used to stuff my lunch-money in my purse and save it for buying the latest issue, then eat a big meal as soon as I got home from school. My church-mates weren't really happy with me about it back then, they thought that harder music brought about the "dark feelings" that, according to their beliefs, increased one's vulnerability to demonic possession: Which, also according to their beliefs, wasn't supposed to be able to happen if you were "Truly Saved" so I thought of myself as being immune.

Seriously, it's just fucking music. 

After leaving Christianity and running face-first into New-Age ideas, I developed this odd little mish-mash of Buddhism and Wicca, leaning pretty heavy toward the Wiccan side of things.

According to most Wiccan beliefs (it's a VERY BROAD BRUSH indeed because there's no institutional figure-head, Wicca is the epitome of "making it up as you go along") there are Light and Dark sides of everything, they want to avoid the dark side like the plague but most Wiccans would generally agree that the "Light" is the right way to go. Many will tell you that "Real Wiccans don't walk on the Dark Side" but I don't need to point out the No True Scotsman Fallacy and it's intricacies to you lot.

The figure in the sketch above is Kwannon, the Japanese version of the rather popular Quan Yin: According to myth, she (and sometimes a he) is the ideal embodiment of compassion and mercy. With this drawing, which I had intended to render into a full-sized painting, I was toying with the idea of what Kwannon's "Dark Side" might look like. How would she carry herself? Would she have a weapon (I went with a Samurai Sword, you can see she's about to whip it out) and what kind of mood would she have?

I've seen Circles and Covens tear themselves to bits arguing about concepts like these, but as far as artwork is concerned I just thought it'd be a little harmless fun as well as a potentially kick-ass art project. Funny thing about being an atheist and looking at religious artwork is just trying to appreciate how much effort the artist put into trying to create something genuinely special, this is doubly strange when YOU are the artist re-discovering an old piece of unfinished work.

And speaking of which...

I'm not a fan of Bible Stories, most of them creep me the fuck out. But the tale of Judith and Holofernes is a favorite of mine, at least as far as works of art are concerned.

What you see here are two snapshots for an intended master-work, my own rendering of the ageless classic: Judith. The first version of this theme that I ever saw was the first one painted by Gustav Klimt, I fell head over heels for his work from there on out. After my cousin showed me a massive book full of his paintings, I knew right then and there that I had a fire in my mind that there was no stopping as long as I had a brush in my hands. 

And yes, you'll notice that I modeled the sword after the energy swords from HALO. Unfortunately, by the time I actually got around to starting the painting itself I was in the middle of a pretty nasty break-up and had to set the project on the back-burner indefinitely. I found the panel, it's mostly intact, but so far I think I prefer the sketch to the as-of-yet unfinished painting...

I fucked it up SOMEWHERE, but moving right along...

Ah, here we go!

I think I made this one with the specific purpose of offending people for no real reason other than that I could, is it working?

I experimented with all manner of fetish art for a brief period of time, here we have a hooker squatting and lactating all over a Bible on the floor. But for some reason I'm more impressed with the image of the octopus int he upper-left, I swear the fucker is getting off on this bizarre little shindig. 

Fucking perverted octopus!

Ah, I did this picture in between High School semesters. I think this was not long after the first time I ever had sex (with a dude, that is.)

What? Not everyone gives up their virginity to the opposite sex, what's it to you? The chick I slept with turned out to be a bit vapid, I guess I wasn't happy with the idea of just being Ms Wednesday: I was very misled about sex and relationships as a youth, I mistook possessiveness for faithfulness and that wound up scaring away A LOT of potential partners. I blame THAT MESS on semi-dysfunctional Catholic upbringing being hijacked by dogmatic Evangelical brain-fuckery. 

Surely there must be at least a few semi-tasteful pieces, right?

Ah yes, meet my ex: Daniel. I needed (shit, STILL need) as much practice as possible drawing the male figure and he was all too happy to help.

Finding male art models on the internet isn't as easy as you'd think, especially if you're a female artist. The few models I HAVE worked with were usually people close to me, which saved me money and most of my friends actually found fun. As soon as I can get situated again I should really re-open a workable studio.

That's all I've got this time, I'll keep digging for more "treasures" and post them.

More Non-Skeletons (NSFW)

I found more bad art from my youth in the basement today, here it is. If you saw my last blog post, I've been undertaking a wee bit of a salvage/restoration project with several boxes of artwork that I had done over the course of approximately a decade. The earliest pieces that I have go back to 1998 and the most recent date I've thus far been able to track is late 2008. A LOT of old stuff was ruined by mold and improper storage over the years, but most of that was crap anyway.

Well, as promised, here's some more visual self-humiliation...

This one goes back to 2000, the year I graduated High School. 

THIS was around the time I was not only having some serious cognitive dissonance between Christianity and my own doubts, but trying to get a sense of how to formulate opinions on (then) current events. Originally, the giant clock-eyed monster was supposed to be urinating on little Elian Gonzales beneath him, but my mom was getting really freaked out that I was painting so much work bearing a rather ... well, prominent feature. I guess I never really got around to properly finishing it, but I think there's some pretty decent (though heavily dogmatized) symbolism in here... 

1) I've never trusted cops, still don't. I have issues with "authority figures" to begin with, so I'm attributing this to youthful rebellion. 2) Yes, that's a nuclear church. Interpret that however you like, but I think at the time I had an obsession with the apocalypse. 3) I blame drugs for this thing.

I guess if you really honestly think that your god is about to end it's creation and everything in it, to include YOU regardless of how faithful you are to it's cause, it kinda sparks a fucked up fire in your brain: Dude, I'm on your side! If you love me so much then why do you want to destroy everything you made for me? 

I gave Jesus the boot within a year after this painting. Moving on...

Yes, these were originally part of a series I was putting together. Out of 12 originals, THESE are the only ones that survived repeated flooding in my parents' basement.

Christian obsession with government "persecution and corruption" is nothing new, as you can see by the date on these (2000) and STILL just as asinine as it was back in those days. Of course our government has cracks and stains from corruption and scandal, show me ONE WORLD GOVERNMENT that doesn't! But I was 19, I thought I knew it all because my Pastors and Bible Studies were telling me so... I kinda found out the hard way not long later that the world was a very different place than what I had been told.

Ooh, I hope you're ready for this ... 

Yes, that is exactly what it looks like: Hermaphrodite Corsetry/Bondage, acrylic on canvas-board. 

I'd like to remind you, dear reader, that at NO POINT in this blog did I make any claim to sanity or normalcy: Normal is for bitches, and if art never crosses any lines then it has no purpose. That having been said, this one surprised even me: I don't even remember painting it. I think I was still living in Portland (The REAL Portland, not that fake one over in Oregon.) 

I don't expect people to like my work, regardless of the subject matter. Finding these things and documenting them has been a bit of a shock even for me, this is actually a tad embarrassing for me personally. Each piece I find is a bit like a bad drinking story, feelings of "I can't believe I thought that was a good idea" flood my mind every time I look at them. But at the same time I can only really be honest with myself, even greats like Salvador Dali made some pretty bad art in the days their youth (his earliest works were actually incredibly boring compared to later melting clocks and burning giraffes.) 

And yes, as I FIND more I will be happy to POST more: Some of this stuff is actually really good, at least I think so.

More to come in the future, folks.